A woman wakes up one night and realizes her husband is not in the bed. She gets up and goes into the living room, where she finds her husband drinking Whiskey. She watches him wipe a small tear from his cheek and she asks him, “Oh, honey! Why are you sad?”
“Do you remember 20 years ago, when you were just 16 years old and we met for the first time?”
“Yes, of course, I do,” she assures him.
He asks, “Do you also remember when your dad caught us sleeping together? How he held a gun to my head and said, ‘You marry my daughter or spend the next 20 years in prison!’?”
“Yes,” she clucked, “I remember that very clear!”
He took a sip of the Whiskey and said, “I would’ve been released today!”
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again then said, “We have reached your destination.”
The 1st guy gave him money.
The 2nd guy said, “Thank you.”
The 3rd guy slapped the driver.
The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd guy knew what he did. But then he asked, “What was that for?”
The 3rd guy replied, “Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!”
A wife treats hubby by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday.
At The Club, The Doorman says, “Hi Jim! How are you?”
The Wife asks, “How does he know you?”
Jim says, “Oh dear…! I play football with him.”
Inside, The Bartender says, “The usual, Jim?”
Jim says to his wife, “Before you say anything, he’s on the Darts Team.”
Next, a stripper says, “Hi Jim! Do you crave the special again?”
The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.
The Taxi driver says, “Hey Jimmy boy! You picked up an ugly one this time.”
Jim’s Funeral is on Monday!
Do smaller people have to buy more shoes because they make smaller steps and wear them off faster?