Do you believe in God?

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”

He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

Emo Philips

Daedalus dan Icarus

Daedalus terkenal di seluruh Yunani sebagai seniman dan arsitek yang hebat. Orang-orang dari segala penjuru mengunjungi tempat kerja Daedalus di Athena untuk minta bantuannya merancang sesuatu yang menarik dan menciptakan temuan yang menakjubkan. Tidak ada yang dapat menandingi kejeniusan ide baru Daedalus … sampai salah satu pekerja magangnya, keponakannya Talos, mulai membuat kagum orang dengan bakatnya. Daedalus seharusnya bangga dengan muridnya, tapi dia tidak bangga. Dia iri sekali. Tanpa belas kasihan, dia membujuk pesaingnya naik ke atap kuil yang besar, lalu mendorongnya sampai mati.

Pengadilan Athena mengusir penemu besar itu dari kota selamanya. Daedalus pergi ke Pulau Kreta, yang dipimpin oleh Raja Minos yang agung. Daedalus tahu Minos akan senang punya penemu terkenal di kerajaannya, dan akan membayarnya mahal atas keahliannya.

Labyrinth

Salah satu tugas pertama yang diminta Raja Minos pada Daedalus adalah membuat tempat untuk makhluk yang besar sekali. Makhluk setengah manusia setengah banteng ini bernama Minotour. Daedalus menciptakan labirin bawah tanah dengan lorong-lorong dan gang-gang yang saling menyilang dan berputar-putar sampai jalannya buntu. Minotour dibiarkan hidup lepas di tempat itu. Setiap tahun, Raja Minos memberi makan monster itu dengan memaksa sekelompok laki-laki dan perempuan muda Athena masuk ke dalam labirin itu dan meninggalkan mereka untuk diburu dan dilahap.

Sejak itu hidup Daedalus jadi makin baik. Dia jatuh cinta pada dayang-dayang istana dan sangat bahagia ketika satu tahun kemudian dayangnya melahirkan seorang putra yang diberi nama Icarus. Akhirnya, Daedalus bahagia dan puas.

Theseus and the MinotaurPada hari yang amat penting, seorang pahlawan Athena, Theseus, berhasil membunuh Minotour dan keluar hidup-hidup dari labirin itu. Daedalus memberikan Putri Minos, Ariadne, sebuah gulungan benang untuk membantu Theseus bertahan hidup di labirin dan mengalahkan Minotaur. Raja Minos sangat marah. Daedalus dan Icarus menyembunyikan diri, takut menghadapi kemarahan Raja. Daedalus memutuskan melarikan diri dari pulau itu, tapi itu tidak mudah. Para prajurit Minos berjaga-jaga di sepanjang dermaga, pelabuhan, dan teluk kecil, dan bisa menangkap mereka ke mana pun mereka berusaha naik kapal. Daedalus mencari cara untuk kabur. Akhirnya, dia hanya bisa memikirkan satu cara … mereka akan terbang di udara.

Daedalus mulai membuat model sayap yang sangat besar untuk dirinya dan anaknya. Dia mengumpulkan kantong penuh bulu dan merekatkannya dengan lilin. Pekerjaan yang lama dan melelahkan. Tapi akhirnya setelah memeriksa sayap itu dengan teliti, dia memberitahu anaknya bahwa sayap itu sudah siap dipakai. Dia mengikatkan sepasang sayap pada putranya dan sepasang lagi pada dirinya. Kemudian pasangan pemberani itu bersiap-siap meloncat dari karang terjal yang tinggi.

“Dengarkan baik-baik, Anakku,” perintah Daedalus. “Jangan terbang terlalu tinggi, atau Matahari akan membakar sayapmu. Dan jangan terbang terlalu rendah, atau percikan air laut akan membuat sayapmu basah kuyup. Ikuti saja aku dan lakukan seperti yang kulakukan.”

Daedalus menutup matanya dan berdoa dalam hati kepada para dewa. Kemudian dia dan Icarus meluncur dari karang terjal. Berhasil! Sayap direntangkan, mereka melayang tinggi tertiup angin, terbang di atas laut, terbang menjauh dari Pulau Kreta dan Raja Minos yang kejam.

Daedalus and IcarusIcarus bersorak dan menatap dengan senang. Dia merasa begitu senang sehingga dia lupa dengan peringatan ayahnya. Dia terbang tinggi ke atas dan melayang-layang dalam panasnya Matahari. Kemudian kegembiraannya berubah menjadi rasa sakit ketika lilin yang terbakar mulai menetes di tangannya. “Tolong, Ayah!” teriaknya, ketika menyadari apa yang terjadi. “Sayapku meleleh.”

Daedalus ketakutan, tapi tidak ada yang bisa dia lakukan. Dia melihat tanpa daya saat putranya meluncur dari angkasa dan tercebur ke dalam laut, meronta-ronta, megap-megap, dan tenggelam. Daedalus yang terpukul melihat kematian anaknya tetap melanjutkan terbang ke Sisilia dan tinggal di daerah Cocalus dan menetap di sebuah tempat bernama Camicus. Dewa menghukum penemu besar itu karena telah membunuh keponakannya. Dan meskipun seniman ahli itu selamat, dia menjalani sisa hidupnya dengan kesedihan yang tidak terobati.

Laut tempat jatuhnya Icarus kemudian dinamakan Laut Icarian (Icarian Sea), sebuah pulau di barat daya Samos. Pada beberapa kisah diceritakan Hercules yang kebetulan lewat menemukan mayat Icarus dan menguburkannya.

144 Telur = 1 Lusin Telur?

A24 Telur = 2 Lusin Telur
AB6 Telur = ½ Lusin Telur
————————————————————————— x
144 Telur = 1 Lusin Telur

Dimana letak kesalahannya?

Jawaban

Kesalahan terletak pada satuan dari hasil perkalian.

A24 TelurA = 2 Lusin Telur
AB6 TelurA = ½ Lusin Telur
——————————————————————————– x
144 Telur2 = 1 (Lusin Telur)2

1 (Lusin Telur)2 = 1 Lusin Telur x 1 Lusin Telur = 12 Telur x 12 Telur = 144 Telur2

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10.000 cm = 1 m?

ABC200 cm = 2 m
ABCD50 cm = ½ m
——————————————— x
10.000 cm = 1 m

Dimana letak kesalahannya?

Jawaban

Kesalahan terletak pada satuan dari hasil perkalian.

ABC200 cmA = 2 m
ABCD50 cmA = ½ m
———————————————— x
10.000 cm2 = 1 m2

1 m2 = 1 m x 1 m = 100 cm x 100 cm = 10.000 cm2

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Total Pembelian dan Total Sisa

Budi memiliki uang Rp50.000.

Beli roti 20.000 sisa 30.000
Beli jus 15.000 sisa 15.000
Beli snack 9.000 sisa 6.000
Beli kue 6.000 sisa 0
Total 50.000 51.000

Mengapa total pembelian tidak sama dengan total sisa?

Jawaban

Membandingkan total pembelian dengan total sisa tidak relevan.

Contoh:

Budi memiliki uang Rp50.000.

Beli roti 1.000 sisa 49.000
Beli jus 1.000 sisa 48.000
Beli snack 1.000 sisa 47.000
Beli kue 47.000 sisa 0
Total 50.000 144.000

Penjelasan matematis bisa dilihat disini.

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I’m A Trouble Maker

There was a girl who was a great nuisance. When she was eight years old, she was already a great trouble maker in her school. She hadn’t done any homework all the time, and she failed in the exam. She twisted her body in the middle of the class and sometimes she stood up and went around the class. Finally, even though the semester didn’t finish yet, the teacher in charge sent the letter to her parents.

“I recommend her sent to special school or receive psychotherapy because she looks scatterbrained.”

Her parents were really disappointed because they somewhat knew she couldn’t pay enough attention, but they didn’t know her teacher would give her up. Next day, her mother took her over to psychological clinic.

“Just sit still!”

Her mother pushed her awfully and talked with the counselor. Then the counselor talked to the girl, “Too boring, isn’t it? But I should more talk with your mother beside the room. Please, wait one more second.

The counselor spoke while he took the girl’s mother.

“Let’s watch how she behave alone.”

After a while, they were surprised. The girl couldn’t keep still for a while, but then danced beautifully with the music from the psychological clinic. Mesmerized, they just stared at her for a long time. And the counselor spoke to the girl’s mother.

“Your daughter isn’t a trouble maker. She is a born dancer. You should take her to dance academy rather than the special school.”

Her mother felt sorry that she considered her daughter as a great nuisance. And she decided to send her to the dance academy. The girl became happy with a mood different from the school. She practiced dancing from dawn to all day long. Finally, she passed Royal College of Dance, London and then she entered the British Royal Ballet. She became a great ballerina and she succeeded in musical theater troupe after retirement.

This story was about the best ballerina in 20th century and the famous choreographer of “Cats”, and “The Phantom of the Opera”. She is Gillian Lynne. Maybe you frustrated because you are just different from others. We may not be able to find our “hidden talent” like “Gillian Lynne”. So, how about making some times and do whatever we really want to do? Don’t even hesitate to discover your talent. Because “your talent” may not be able to meet the ideal setting yet.

Homer’s Wise Words

Homer: I want to share something with you, the three little sentences that will get you through life. Number one: “Cover for me.” Number two: “Oh, good idea, boss.” Number three, “It was like that when I got here.

Warden: So, why do you want to be a guard here?
Homer:
 I believe the children are the future… Unless we stop them now!

Homer: I don’t know, Marge. Trying is the first step towards failure.

Homer: Well, he’s got all the money in the world, but there’s one thing he can’t buy.
Marge: What’s that?
Homer: A dinosaur.

Lisa: I didn’t think you’d understand.
Homer:
Hey! Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand!

[Homer’s love letter to Marge where Homer is paralysed and communicates through farting.]
Homer: Dearest Marge, though my body can not move, my heart still beats and my brain still brains. I miss holding you in my arms more than my butt can say. Perhaps some day there will be a cure, although if it requires months of difficult therapy, I’ll pass. You are the shining light that gets me through my darkest hours. For further communication, I will require more beans. I love you.

Homer: I will love you as long as my heart still beats and my brain still brains.

Homer: Son, come here. Of course I’m not mad. If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the garage next to your short-wave radio, your karate outfit, and your unicycle, and we’ll go and watch TV.
Bart: What’s on?
Homer: It doesn’t matter.

Homer: Ohhh, why do my actions have consequences?

Moe Szyslak: [After Maya dumps him, Moe is cleaning his empty bar when Homer comes in.] Whatsa matter, Homer?
Homer: Not a thing in the world.
Moe Szyslak: Yeah, I wish I could say the same.
Homer: Moe, this is a great thing for you. You went from sitting on the sidelines to getting in the game! Sometime, when you least expect it, you’ll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that’ll make you smile.

Lenny Leonard: Things have changed in the outside while you were gone. Wealthy people can beat the system now.
Carl Carlson: They don’t have parking meters anymore. Now there’s a little thing you swipe your credit card into.
Homer: The war is over and the future won. Past never even had a chance, man.

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer’s Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don’t show up tomorrow don’t bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: If at first you don’t succeed, give up.

Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me … Superman.

Marge: This is the worst thing you’ve ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Bart: Dad, what’s a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it’s not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man … (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don’t know.

Homer: [Meeting Aliens] Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

Homer: We kill Mr. Burns! We kill Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns gonna be mad!

Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!