It can buy you a bed, but not sleep.
It can buy you a clock, but not time.
It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.
It can buy you a position, but not respect.
It can buy you medicine, but not health.
It can buy you blood, but not life.
So you see, money is not everything and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all of this because I am your friend, and as your friend, I want to take away your pain and suffering. So, send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
Alan: Hey Jake! I am outside your house.
Alan: I want my jacket back. :-3
Jake: Alan.
Jake: It’s almost 3 o’clock in the morning and I am upstairs in my bed. There is no way on earth that you can make me get up and open the door.
Alan: O.K.
Jake: Alan???
Jake: Dude, don’t!
Jake: Don’t!!!
Jake: Alan, answer your phone!
Jake: STOP BREAKING MY DOOOOOR, ASSHOOOOOLE!!!
* Conversation via online messenger.
To that one soul reading this. I know you are tired, you are fed up, you are so close to breaking; But, there is strength within you even when you feel weak. Keep fighting.
Anonymous
The world is a dangerous place, Elliott, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.
Me: I am gonna be a terrorist and kill 1.000 people and a monkey.
Friend: Why do you wanna kill a monkey?
Me: See?! No one cares about the 1.000 people.
If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
This is the most dangerous animal in the world. Responsible for millions of deaths every year. By his side, we can see a white shark (Carcharodon carcharias) swimming peacefully.
Husband: Pack your bags. I’ve won the lottery!
Wife: [Excited] Should I pack for sun or snow?
Husband: I don’t care, as long as you are gone by noon.
I. Like. It. How. When.
You. Read. This. The.
Little. Voice. In. Your.
Head. Takes. Pauses.
