Category: Funny Stories

Why Did I Get Divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, Boss!”

I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

What Are Signs That Someone Is Intelligent?

  • Very calm, almost too unnaturally calm.
  • Insightful.
  • They usually just smile or smirk at what an average person would LOL about.
  • They look depressed most of the time.
  • They’re excellent at pointing out flaws (a negative trait).
  • They get bored easily.
  • They love reading, not necessarily books though.
  • They understand easily and quickly.
  • Excellent problem-solving skills.
  • Above average deduction skills.
  • Enjoy solitude.

Note: I am the exact opposite so I probably dumb AF.

My Life As a Girl

Mom: You’re so beautiful, sweetie!
Dad: If any boy asks you out, I’m coming for him.
Grandparents: You’re so gorgeous, guys must be all over you.
Friend of parents: You’re going to break a lot of hearts.
Friends: You’re pretty, now shut up.
Boys: Why is that potato looking at me?